The Blue Buffalo wilderness diet

Yesterday, I was at my local Petsmart buying a large bag of Blue Buffalo Wilderness for Bear our 90 pound Lab, and was in the checkout line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I thought I would string her along for a bit. I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, but I was starting the Blue Buffalo Wilderness diet gain.

I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. 

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Blue Buffalo Wilderness nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. 

The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

(I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. 

I told her no, I was sitting in the middle of the road licking my privates and some damn redneck ran me down. 

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard.

Petsmart has my picture on the wall, and won't let me shop there anymore.